I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
