Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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