dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
NoShamevember. You game?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
