you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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