His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
