Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
