At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
