Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
