I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
