just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
