new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
