Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
