He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize