I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
