My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
