he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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