i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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