last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
