I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
