You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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