My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
