dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
