Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
