Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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