I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
