seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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