My Higher Power is John Stamos
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
