i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
