i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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