May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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