When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
