Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize