cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
