My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
