God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
