I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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