Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
