I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
