i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
