Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize