I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
