Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
