I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize