Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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