It was confusing and full of hummus
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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