next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
