So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i believe in u and ur pee
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
