I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
