He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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