i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
