in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
