wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
