Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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