my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
