Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
