Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize