Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
