she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just pee around me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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