I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
