Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
