Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
