Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
