Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
