Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
