well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
