I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
