I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think i scared a bird with my dick
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
