Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
