somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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