she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
