A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
