Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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