All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
