I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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