playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
