Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
