Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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