thus making me awesome and them whores
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize