I CAN MOONWALK!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
