Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
