Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

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(415): View more from California

they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.

(410): View more from Maryland

Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.

(443): View more from Maryland

Deal.

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(804): View more from Virginia

New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.

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