Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Still dying that you shit outside
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
