I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
