Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
