Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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