i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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