he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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