Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
