i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
