I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
