he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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