the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
