Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
