My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
