Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
