we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
