I cockslap morals
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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