Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i already hear my dad disowning me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
