i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
