Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
