He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
