Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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