Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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