just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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