"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
